Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, LA
Announcers: Jerry “The King” Lawler, Michael Cole
9:05 and Raw finally started. How long are the video packages going to be when Raw becomes 3 hours?
Big Show promo
Ten minute promo with the Big Show saying that no one is in his league. Let's just say that I don’t think anyone was surprised at the Big Show’s exclusion on the WWE's Top 25 Masters of the Mic list. After lots of droning and whining, his only valid point was that immediately after his firing, Brodus Clay came down and started dancing like nothing had happened. Absolutely brutal opening to Raw, but it did help set the tone for Unstoppable Big Show.
Del Rio defeated the United States champion in under 2 minutes. So a Smackdown wrestler wrestled the Raw United States champion in a non-title match and made him submit in under two minutes. Who in the back thought this was a good idea? The Intercontinental championship would never be treated with such disrespect......I hope.
TWEET ALERT
WWE Creative @WWE_Creative
Nothing says "honoring America" like the US Champion from Italy facing a challenger from Mexico #RAWTonight
Backstage Big Show slams Alex Riley into the wall. Somewhere CM Punk is ambivalent.
Tag team championship match: R-Truth and Kofi Kingston(C) vs Swagger/Ziggler
A couple of random thoughts came to me during this one:
- I’m a traditionalist. I get incredibly annoyed whenever the champion(s) come out first. No matter the circumstance, the champions should ALWAYS be introduced last.
- During this match it was announced that Alex Riley was the number 1 trend on Twitter worldwide. 99% of the world has to be incredibly confused.
Backstage Big Show segment
Big Show teases a match with Santino tonight until a non dancing Funkasauras showed up. Big Show vs Brodus Clay announced for later tonight. Brodus’ undefeated streak may be in jeopardy. My favorite part of the segment was after the Big Show left, the funkettes came out from cowering behind Brodus Clay. Brodus Clay has enough mass that both Funkettes were able to hide behind him on camera and not be noticed.
John Laurinaitis/Eve/David Otunga in ring segment
I’m
a big fan of John Laurinaitis re-introducing himself when he gets on
the mic. The stoic look on his face while doing so is priceless. Big
Show vs John Cena in a steel cage announced for the next ppv. Big Johnny
reveals a faux WWE 13 cover. CM Punk comes down to the ring. On his way
he puts his gum on Johnny Ace’s Rascal. Michael Cole: “That’s going to ruin the $5000 suit he's wearing.”
He’s not Gob Bluth. Come on! CM Punk reveals the real cover to WWE 13, complete with CM Punk straight edge crossed arms. It’s set to be released in October even though I feel like I just bought WWE 12. CM Punk calls Otunga "Carlton" and then asks everyone to get the hell out of the ring.....and they do.
Just a small aside. The Dominos pizza commercial plays during every commercial break and it cracks me up everytime. If you play their game Pizza Hero, you might win a chance to be hired as a Domino’s Pizza chef. I highly doubt the demand to be a Domino’s pizza chef is that high, that you need to beat a video game in order to be qualified for it. Another thing, if playing video games equips you for real life positions, consider me qualified to become an airline pilot or professional baseball player. I sincerely apologize to my editors if Dominos is a corporate sponsor.
CM Punk vs Daniel Bryan
Why they are giving this match away on free TV is beyond me. Last week I said the WWE missed their opportunity to put Daniel Bryan over with a clean victory over Kane. Well apparently last Friday night on Smackdown, Bryan beat the absolute shit out of Kane with a steel chair. Mid-match AJ Lee made her way down to the ring sporting a CM Punk cut-off tee. I’ve never seen a wrestling t-shirt look so sexy. She’s even wearing official CM Punk wristbands....that CM Punk has never worn.
Daniel Bryan pinned CM Punk after dropping him onto the exposed turnbuckle. After the match Kane gets his revenge by chokeslamming Daniel Bryan on the chair. I’m just thankful they waited until after the match was over before having Kane interfer. When Kane turned his attention to CM Punk, AJ slid him a chair. Poor Kane has been brutalized with a chair 2 times in the past 4 days, unless you know that Smackdown is taped on Tuesdays. Stalker AJ may be my favorite diva since Trish Stratus or those 3 weeks Leyla Milani competed in the Raw diva search.
During the Daniel Bryan/CM Punk match instead of calling the wrestling holds, Cole and Lawler plugged Brodus Clay vs the Big Show later and Big Show vs John Cena. Somewhere Joey Styles is furious.
TWEET ALERT
Joey Styles @JoeyStyles
OMG! What a match! @WWEDanielBryan steals a win from the WWE Champion @CMPunk. Anyone else want to see a 60 minute Iron Man Match?
WWE Universe @WWEUniverse
RT if you want to see a @CMPunk vs. @WWEDanielBryan 60-minute#IronManMatch! #WWE #Raw
Christian (C) vs The Miz w/Cody Rhodes on commentary
Short match. Christian wins with the Killswitch/frogsplash combination. I need to just copy and paste the sentence “Miz loses” to save myself time every week. BTW, I’m always a big fan of wrestlers actually wearing their championship belts around their waist. Good on you, Christian.
Backstage
John Laurinaitis announces David Otunga vs Sheamus. I don’t think my television is equipped to handle the difference in pixel colorization.
Back from commercial and Miz still in the ring. Was he sitting out there the entire time? What was he doing for 10 minutes during the backstage segment/commercial break? Miz bitches about not being used on Raw and then Randy Orton came out and hit him with the RKO.
TWEET ALERT
WWE Creative @WWE_Creative
Guess @RandyOrton didn't take losing his part in The Marine too well #RAWTonight
We are then presented with John Cena’s only appearance on the Raw, as the narrator in the Memorial Day video package. It’s appropriate because he played a Marine in a movie once.
During the commercial break it was announced that it will be Kane vs CM Punk for the WWE title on Friday Night Smackdown. What has Kane (a Smackdown wrestler) done to become number 1 contender for the Raw title. I understand that the WWE is looking to hotshot some ratings over on Smackdown, but this is ridiculous.
Sheamus vs David OtungaGlorified squash. Otunga spent more time in the back applying baby oil then wrestling in the ring. Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio announced for No Way Out.
Advertisement for ECW Unreleased vol. 1 got me feeling all tingly in my dingly. This is exciting because it looks like they are anticipating doing more than one volume.
Main Event: The Big Show vs Brodus Clay
You read that correctly. Tonight we found out that Brodus Clay is officially 22-0 since joining the WWE. Not quite 173-0 but
we’re getting there. Pre-match Big Show gets on the mic and compares
Brodus Clay to Doink the Clown. Well that is certainly one way to make
sure Brodus is never taken seriously. Big Show then proceeded to destroy
Brodus Clay, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth. He should be pushed as an
indestructible force. Why he was never pushed this way back when he
debuted with the company is beyond me. A silver-lining for Funkasauras
fans is that he is still undefeated because the match never officially
started. So there’s that.TWEET ALERTWWE Creative @WWE_Creative
And to think it only took us 12 years to realize you could book Big Show as an indestructible monster #RAWTonight
Grade: B- solid but unspectacular
Final Thoughts: No John Cena, no Paul Heyman, no HHH, no Brock Lesnar. As much as I dislike John Cena the wrestling personality, it is obvious that his appearance enhances the show. Raw just isn’t the same without him on it, although his absence tonight allowed the Big Show to be prominently featured.
Tonight’s main event was EXACTLY how the Big Show needs to be handled. No one in the WWE should ever be able to touch The Big Show in a one on one match. He is a 7 foot, 400 lb. monster and thus should be able to run through every person on the roster with zero problems. It was nice to see him booked this way, but I’m skeptical about whether it will last once Cena returns. Big Show vs Super Cena in a steel cage will be interesting to watch.
Power Ranking
5. Chris Jericho- Stomped on the flag in Brazil, suspended 30 days. He needs some love right now.
4. Daniel Bryan/CM Punk/AJ Lee- Best storyline on television.
3. Dolph Ziggler- Because he’s as free as a bird now.
2. Paul Heyman- Not even on the show and he had a major impact. His twitter handle @HeymanHustle was in constant conversation with @WWEUniverse last night and he did the voiceover for the upcoming ECW dvd.
1. Big Show- Booked like a monster. We’ll see for how long.
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