MAMBINO's Pro Bowl Selections

It happens when Mike Antoni is prompted to talk about defense. It happens when an Asian student has to explain a B+ to the parental droids. It happens when you have to explain a mischievous deed to a significant other.

Rambling run-on sentences.

When you don't know what you're talking about or when anything you say won't be believed, you may fall victim to over-talking and fail to use punctuation regarding tone and speed. I am certainly above such pedestrian nonsense, but rather than risk it, I present to you, the MAMBINO Pro Bowl rosters defined by best Youtube video.

Special thanks to my committee: Pucklius, who has staved off NHL Lockout-induced suicide for yet another day, and TuckRule, who is probably playing Madden to find a new NFL team to root for.

Hard Knocks: Looking for Some Talent

It's been a minute since I've posted on the best sports blog you've never read, and to most of my commenters, maybe that's a good thing. YOUR New York Knickerbockers are waiting for the season to start, YOUR New York Yankees play a sport that bores the living daylights out of me if I can't watch it at the ballpark, and the files on top of my desk at work may reach the ceiling at some point.

But no matter what happens, there's always room for TV. And since I've been basing my Manny Pacquiao fight previews on HBO's glorious 24/7 series, it's pretty hard to keep me away from the tube when HBO does their thing.

Hard Knocks goes behind-the-scenes of a real NFL training camp. It started out in 2001, took a break after 2004, then kickstarted again in 2007 when HBO realized that barely anybody watches the network for its movies. In 2010, it landed a hit when the New York Jets hopped on board. We were treated to a litany of amazing clips and soundbytes, featuring head coach Rex Ryan and cornerback Antonio Cromartie:

T-Sizzle, Alumnus of Ball So Hard University, Out for the Season?

"Sizzle, Ball So Hard University".

This morning, ESPN reported that TerrelL Suggs, Pro Bowl LB for the Baltimore Ravens could miss the '12-'13 NFL season with a torn Achilles tendon. Reportedly, Suggs, perhaps known as T-Sizzle, injured himself while playing basketball this offseason. We can talk having an 8-figure salary and the concept of jeopardizing that by playing game of meaningless pick-up ball later, but for now, let's get some actual analysis from our go-to football wizard, TuckRule:

Instant Trade Analysis: Patriots move up to #21

New England traded the #27 overall pick to Cincinnati, in exchange for the Bengals' #21 pick. The Patriots also included additional picks to go to Cincy, specifically their 3rd round pick.

The Patriots have finally done something with all those picks they’ve been hoarding and traded up for Chandler Jones. I think it’s a great move. Their biggest flaw heading into this offseason was their pass rush and now they’re getting a defensive end who Mike Mayock said could be the best to come out of this draft.

The defending AFC Champions just got a little scarier. They still have another first rounder and I still expect them to trade down, because they always do.

(Ed. update: the Patriots didn't trade down from their 2nd first round pick, but actually traded up again!)

Instant Trade Analysis: Eagles trade up to #12

Philadelphia traded the #15 overall pick to move up 3 spots to #12, Seattle's pick. Seattle's additional picks received from Philly were in the 4th and 6th round.

TuckRule needed to take a break to engage in...umm...well let's just say he's taking a break. Philadelphia saw that so many teams passed on legitimate top-10 talent and took a shot. Mississippi defensive tackle Fletcher Cox will now be terrorizing the NFC East while wearing Eagle Green, in what clearly is an attack on TuckRule's fandom (that's RGIII, Morris Claiborne, and now Cox).

Philadelphia fills a tremendous need here and also got the best player on the board. Their offense is still Dream Team...-ish, and Cox will help the defense. The 6th rounder doesn't mean so much since they received Atlanta's 7th round pick in the recent Asante Samuel trade, so this is basically moving up 3 spots for the price of a 4th rounder. Not bad. On a day where Cleveland and Dallas gave up too much, Philly gets an A+.

And TuckRule just felt like he had to GChat me this: The Eagles run defense was pretty shoddy last year, so, like all men from Philadelphia, they’ll enjoy life a lot more with some extra Cox thrown in.

Nice one. Did the kids on the jungle gym like it?

(Ed. update: Seattle took the first reach of the draft, selecting West Virginia defensive end Bruce Irvin. He dropped out of high school, went to jail, got a G.E.D., and finally went to a real school. Oh, and last month, he was arrested for knocking a restaurant sign off of a delivery truck. Viva la era de Pete Carroll!)

Instant Trade Analysis: Cowboys trade up to #6

Dallas traded its first round pick, at #14 overall, to St. Louis, for the #6 overall pick. Dallas also included its 2nd round pick in the deal, in traditional Jerry Jones fashion (remember when he traded a FIRST AND THIRD for Roy Williams?)


And of course, just as I send this to BockerKnocker, another trade was announced.

Honestly, as a huge Giants fan, this draft is going awful for me. For the last 6 weeks or so, since the Washington Redskins traded up, I’ve been dreading facing RGIII twice a year. Now, I (and more importantly, Eli Manning) has to also deal with the best CB in the draft? (Ed. note: expletive deleted)

In reality, as a logical sports fan, I know the (SUPER BOWL CHAMPION) Giants will be fine, but I was really a fan of the Cowboys having a laughable secondary. Guess that’s not the case anymore. We’ll just have to let Tony Romo lose the game for the Cowboys instead of their secondary. In all seriousness though, this is a solid trade and the Cowboys are much better off now for it. As for the Rams plans, I’m guessing they’ll now plan to take the best available defensive player at 14.

Instant Trade Analysis: Jaguars move up to #5

The Jacksonville Jaguars traded the 7th overall pick and their 4th round pick to take the #5 overall pick from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, selecting Oklahoma State wide receiver Justin Blackmon. Cleveland looks extra stupid.

So we have another trade in the books already, 3rd so far in the top 5 including the RGIII trade and the recent Trent Richardson one.


For the Bucs, I think it’s a solid trade. They gain a mid-rounder to move down a couple spots and can still take a top tier guy, most likely either Morris Claiborne or Luke Kuechly if the Rams take the CB at 6 overall. (Ed. update: the Bucs selected Alabama safety Mark Barron. They really could have used Claiborne to fill a need, but the Cowboys swooped in ahead of them.)


For the Jags, this is the perfect move for them. Personally, I’m a huge detractor of Blaine Gabbert, cause of all the sucking he does. But, similar to Colt McCoy, he didn’t really have anyone to throw to last year. So if they’re going to give last year's (crappy) first rounder a chance to succeed, they have to give him someone to throw to. Blackmon isn’t on the level of the last few first drafted WRs like AJ Green or his OK State predecessor Dez Bryant, but he’s a solid target and will leave Gabbert and the Jags front office no excuse if they don’t finish at least 2nd worst in the AFC South. Let’s be honest folks, Blackmon or not, finishing better than the Colts is their ceiling for 2012. And again, on a personal note, Blackmon going to the Jags might be the only scenario I’d consider NOT drafting Trent Richardson 1st overall in my Keeper League. Who else is gonna catch Gabberts limp-dick throws?

Instant Trade Analysis: Browns move up to #3

I have commissioned TuckRule to provide you, loyal Mambinites, with a heavy dose of Instant Trade Analyses for tonight's NFL Draft. We begin with the Cleveland Browns trading the 4th overall pick, along with their 4th, 5th, and 7th round picks, to move ONE spot up, taking the Minnesota Vikings' 3rd overall pick. Yeah, you heard (read?) me right.

And…we’re off. Actually, we’re not off yet. The draft is still about 30 minutes away at the time I’m writing this, but the first trade of the night has already been made. As Jay Glazer and Adam Schefter are reporting, the Browns have traded up from the 4th to 3rd overall picks, swapping spots with the Vikings, giving up 4th, 5th, and 7th picks in addition to their 1st rounder.

Although it can’t be confirmed, I’m assuming the Browns are trading up specifically so they can be sure they’ll get Alabama running back Trent Richardson, and I have to say, I absolutely love the trade for both sides. For the Vikings, they got their wish and moved down, and can still be sure the guy they want (Matt Kalil IMHO) is still available, and they’re getting 3 extra picks basically for free. Solid move.

Now, for the Browns, I’m doing backflips. As you may have guessed from the latest Mambino Mock, I haven’t given up on Colt McCoy just yet. He hasn’t been phenomenal, but he hasn’t been gawd-awful either. And he’s toed that line with absolutely no talent around him. Richardson just might remove that Atlas-like weight off of his shoulders, giving the former Longhorn a chance to succeed. Some may say this means the Browns should take a WR like Justin Blackmon so Colt has someone to throw to, but Trent is an otherworldly talent that you just can't pass up. The Browns have another 1st round pick that they can now use on the best available WR, the guess here being Georgia Tech's Stephen Hill.

On a personal note, as the owner of the first overall pick in my long running fantasy football keeper league, I couldn’t be happier with this trade. The Browns are going to feed Trent the rock ALL DAY. I’m just salivating at the potential of Peyton Hillis, version 2010, getting a ton of carries. Only this time, just, ya know, Cleveland will have lots more talent holding the ball.

The bell-cow back may be on the endangered list, but it’s not extinct yet, and Trent Richardson has infused some much needed vitality into that species.

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In case you missed it, the third and final version of MAMBINO's NFL Mock Draft is right here.

2012 NFL Mock Draft, Take 3

In Mambino Nation, this week is about the end of the NBA regular season. Mambinos get handed out to rookies, defensive stalwarts, coaches, and of course, the superstars.

Everywhere else, this week is NFL Draft Week. America's favorite sport that doesn't include a race car (palindrome!) has been building the anticipation for Thursday night's Draft kickoff for what seems like an eternity. Mock Drafts are so prevalent around the interwebs that there are websites that have compiled hundreds of mocks, to produce the "ultimate" mock. I would call it extremely dork-tastic, but after I realized that I was a tad excited that this exists, I'll merely call it "innovative."

In this space we've had two previous NFL Mock Drafts. The first had a simple alternating style, in which TuckRule, Gotti, and I took turns making picks for each team. The second version added Pucklius and Zimmy to the mix, giving each of the 5 participants virtual ownership over a set of teams.

This third and final edition has yet another wrinkle. The three original mockers were given the task of submitting who SHOULD be drafted by each team (predicting who WILL be drafted is an exercise in stupidity). Using those picks, a "consensus" pick is agreed upon, and that player is thereafter taken off the board.

Special thanks to Gotti for making these charts; God knows I ain't getting down with html code on my own.

2012 NFL Mock Draft, v2

UPDATE: Check out our third and final Mock!

Last month, we posted a Mock Draft right after the NFL season ended. Since then, the playoffs have shed more light on what last year's contenders need to get a little farther next season. The Senior Bowl also took place, featuring the country's best NFL prospects who haven't declared early as a junior or red-shirt sophomore, or whose draft stock is entrenched in the early first round.

This time, we changed up the format a little bit. First, we added two more mockers to the stable. Pucklius is a regular contributor to the Mambino franchise; his best Mambino post is on New Jersey Devils superstar Ilya Kovalchuk. Zimmy is also in the fold this go-round, taking time out of his regularly scheduled Tim Tebow ass-tasting.

Second, instead of alternating picks between everybody, each mocker was assigned 6-7 different NFL franchises. Each dude controlled the teams not only for purposes of drafting, but also trades. We thought it would add a nice wrinkle, especially for teams that had 2 1st round picks. More stability, accuracy be damned.

On with the show...

Instant Trade Analysis: Jesus Montero to Seattle

Jon Heyman of CBSSports.com has reported that the New York Yankees have traded uber prospect Jesus Montero to the Seattle Mariners. Also going west is promising young right-hander Hector Noesi, in exchange for stud starting pitcher Michael Pineda and minor league pitcher Jose Campos.

The Yanks have found exactly what they were looking for, a starting pitcher who can make fans feel like they don't have to start a countdown to the next time that CC Sabathia takes the hill. But at what cost?

2012 NFL Mock Draft

UPDATE: Check out Version 2 of our Mock Draft!
COOLER UPDATE: Check out our third and final Mock!

Lots of people do Mock Drafts. The best ones are produced from tireless research efforts. The mocker attends combines, pro days, and all-star games. He (because women have far better things to do) scouts the big league teams to ascertain the needs of each one by predicting the consequences of truly unpredictable external factors. And he relentlessly watches games, far more than you, and still more than me. He uses the man's game to find weaknesses, and the boy's game to find players who can turn said weakness into a strength. Mocker Dude watches games with a different eye:  he projects professional success not only by field goal percentage, but also by the athleticism used to obtain the opportunity to attempt a tough shot. Not only by arm strength to hit a go route, but also by the mental ability to progress to the corner post route.

I do none of those things. My status as an uneducated mock blogger has been documented before. So before you go all lame on me, I know practically nothing about college football. However, my two guest contributors and I have done a pinch of research just so this post isn't a piece of garbage. Question their analysis at your own risk.

TuckRule is the author of what is currently the #9 most viewed post on this blog. Somehow, he has been allowed to live despite his hatred of cream cheese.

Gotti is the man behind Sports by Gotti. His website is more real than ours because it doesn't have that ".blogspot" attached to its URL. He lives somewhere in upstate New York that is too far for me to even think about. He is also married; bonus points or deducted points based on your point of view.

Format:

-Each pick is alternated between the three of us

-Each person can trade their pick, with the help of the NFL Draft Pick Value Chart
-Non-traditional pictures are to be used whenever possible.

Tim Tebow, the Son of God

It's that time of the year again. Check out a guest post from my buddy TuckRule. You may remember him from such films as The Modern Football Fan and "How to Use Your Thumbs: The Rob Van Dam Story." The former was a 1 week old blog abandoned like Casey Anthony's baby; the latter was just an extremely unfortunate incident that will live on forever. TuckRule is a hardcore Giants fan, although he wasn't accepted into the ranks of local fans because his appetite for football was borne by the Madden video game series. He's also a Jew who hates cream cheese. Does that make him worthy of oxygen? You decide.

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Hello loyal Mamboners! I have a theory, and it’s a biggie. At least two separate religions could smite me and I’m certain to draw the ire of both Gators and Broncos. That’s right, I’m talking about Football Jesus himself, Tim Tebow.

What if Tebow was ACTUALLY Jesus? Like I’m talking son of God, main character in the Bible Jesus, not the super from my first apartment.

Consider the facts...

Tebow the Football Player:

He has been wildly successful at every level of football he’s played. His career highlights include national championships in 2007 and 2009, being the first ever underclassman Heisman winner (2008) and just missing out on becoming just the 2^nd person ever to win the award twice. After being anointed (see where I'm going?) one of the best collegiate football players of all-time, he then convinced Josh McDaniels and the Broncos to pick him in the first round. He’s done all this while looking like a fullback and throwing a football like he's still playing pee-wee. How does he pull this off? Well obviously his father, God, is looking out for him. When I originally posed this theory to BockerKnocker, his immediate question was “Then why would he ever lose?” That’s easy...to throw us off the scent. And for humility. Is humility a thing in Christianity? It sounds like something that the Messiah would have preached.

This year, he’s dealt with new adversity in the form of John Fox and John Elway, Head Coach & Grand Poobah, respectively, of the Broncos. They, like the rest of the non-believers, didn’t think he could play like a typical quarterback in the NFL and win games. So, instead of trying to teach him how to do that, they changed their entire offense to a scheme that hasn’t been used in the NFL in like 50 years and is mostly reserved for Friday nights.

Last week Tebow attempted 8 total passes, completing a whopping 25% of them, and the Broncos still won the game. Since taking over as the starter, Tebow has won 3 of 4 games and brought the Denver Tebows back into contention in a division that no one seems to want to win. How has Timmy been able to change the entire offensive philosophy of a team AND be successful? Well, obviously he’s the son of God.

Tebow the Man:

Both he and He had births that were surrounded in controversy.  JC came about from the immaculate reception conception, and Tebow was born in the Philippines while his mother was on a Christian mission. That’s not much of a controversy itself, but while she was rumbling in the jungle, she got some kind of jungle fever (not the fun/racist kind) and had to take some combination of drugs that doctors expected to cause a stillbirth. But since abortion is a Tebow family no-no, she opted to see it through and ultimately made the right decision. Why? Because if she had done the other thing, you all wouldn’t have the opportunity to read what I’m writing right here.

This leads to my next comparison, their mothers. Both of them were at the forefronts of controversies. Mary heard a less modern version of “How the hell did you just have a kid if you’re a virgin!?” Conversely, last year Mrs. T & New Jesus made a commercial that aired in the Super Bowl and it was the most talked about commercial of the year. I’m sure you heard about it.

Despite what people think about the man, by all accounts, each of them is a genuinely good guy. Much to our dismay, I can’t find an article where people talk about meeting Jesus so you’ll just have to trust me on that one.

Love them or hate them, there is no middle ground. And logic was thrown out the door a long time ago. So that, my friends, is why Tebow is the reincarnation of Jesus. What does this mean for all of us? I don’t know. But I do know that Timmy is changing the game of football, one non-believer at a time, just like his former self changed the world 2000ish years ago. Tonight (almost) everyone will see what I mean when Tebow plays the ugliest game of football, but will somehow beat the Jets and get one step closer to winning the division.

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So there you have it. Look out for more TuckRule, since me and KOBEsh aren't really fond of posting pigskin. Unless the Bossman fires TuckRule after this one post. After all, the dude can't stand cream cheese.

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